Babies and cuddly things

I'm really starting to get excited about this baby. I mean, I was scared at first because of what happened the first time, but I just feel really good about this pregnancy!! I was at work last night and a lady had her 2 year old son in the basket. Cute as a button. I kept smiling and talking to him, and next thing you know he looks at me and says "You're gonna hold me now!!" I just looked at his mom like "haha" and kept talking about granite. The boy then started screaming and reaching for me, telling his mom that he wanted me to hold him and play with him, push the cart, etc. In that moment, I couldn't wait for my baby to get here. I will relish in my baby screaming for me to hold them, because I struggled to get them in my arms. I can't wait to hear my baby cry for me. Amazing.

I'm almost positive it is a boy.
My mom is almost positive its a boy.
honestly, I dont think we care either way!! :)

I have my first ultrasound on the 26th. A real thanksgiving blessing!!

I'm craving hotdogs with mac and cheese ON them.
And fried green beans. Oh man, now I want some.
AND Jalepeno poppers. yum. double yum.

anyway.
I'm gonna post a random thought today.
Trust. I mean, who can you trust, really? Family? Friends? Lawyers? Doctors? Yourself? Definately not yourself...even -I- lie to myself. So thats one off the list. Doctors and lawyers say what they think you want to hear. Friends try their best, I'm sure, but there is inevitably a backstab here or there, possibly minor. Family? maybe. maybe not. Depends who you put your trust in. I mean, everyone has alliances. Doctors, family, friends etc...they always have someone to protect. Maybe it isn't you. I usually don't trust people farther than I can throw them. I can count on one hand who I completely trust. Sad, huh? You'd think in life that you can trust more people, but I guess times have changed. I guess you just have to learn to live with it, and you get hurt....but life goes on....and if your trust is broken, at least you can make sure it wont happen again....

We're pregnant!

Ok, so I took my last digital pregnancy test last night and got a POSITIVE!! I'm so excited!! We've wanted this baby so badly! We can't wait to be parents!! God is SOOO good! He really gives you the desires of your heart. Pray often.

I just wanted to share our joy!!

Much love.

Blessed

I am so very blessed. If I don't get my BFP (big fat positive) this month, at least I know I will be on this journey with some great women on my message board who never cease to amaze me. I pray every day that they receive their little blessings, and I know I will be as excited when they get pregnant as I will when I get pregnant. We had one lady get pregnant last cycle (yay TaShena!) And the rest of us are not far behind.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It stinks to wake up every morning knowing that my own body betrayed me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of our baby we lost. I even bought a pair of angel wings for our Christmas tree that will be on there every year to remember her by. Its so weird to explain. I want this baby so bad not only for myself and my hubby, but for my lost baby as well. I want to show our baby enough love for the both of them. I know I will be a great mother because I have tried, cried, prayed, suffered, and persevered for this child. Not a day will go by that my baby will not know how much we wanted it and love it.

Some days I'm scared I will never be a mom. I can't see myself with children. I try, and I desperately want them, but it always seems like a dream that is constantly out of reach. I hope I can prove myself wrong in a few days.

Much love and hugs.