Blessed

I am so very blessed. If I don't get my BFP (big fat positive) this month, at least I know I will be on this journey with some great women on my message board who never cease to amaze me. I pray every day that they receive their little blessings, and I know I will be as excited when they get pregnant as I will when I get pregnant. We had one lady get pregnant last cycle (yay TaShena!) And the rest of us are not far behind.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It stinks to wake up every morning knowing that my own body betrayed me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of our baby we lost. I even bought a pair of angel wings for our Christmas tree that will be on there every year to remember her by. Its so weird to explain. I want this baby so bad not only for myself and my hubby, but for my lost baby as well. I want to show our baby enough love for the both of them. I know I will be a great mother because I have tried, cried, prayed, suffered, and persevered for this child. Not a day will go by that my baby will not know how much we wanted it and love it.

Some days I'm scared I will never be a mom. I can't see myself with children. I try, and I desperately want them, but it always seems like a dream that is constantly out of reach. I hope I can prove myself wrong in a few days.

Much love and hugs.